busy life, belated updates...

So much to do, so little time to do it...

I am thoroughly enjoying my summer so far! It seems like I bounce from one project to the next and I will not be satisfied until they are all done. I made a list of projects this morning (including a much needed blog update) to focus my energy and give me something to cross off the list...there's just something fulfilling about being able to complete a task and mark it off your list! I'm a dork, but hey, whatever works, right? Ooooo just thought of another thing to add to the list while I'm sitting here. If my head would quit spinning long enough, maybe I'd actually finish something...LOL. Is it possible to nest while you're planning a pregnancy?!?

Lots of changes have happened in the last 3 months for our family. Last update, we were still grieving the loss of our 2nd baby. At that point, I was looking ahead to days of possible fertility treatments, but at the same time, really wasn't sure I was ready to face all those risks, thoughts, and fears in the face. About mid April we had our first consultation with the fertility doctor. We were warned going into treatments that most fertility doctors will not consider recurrent miscarriage until you have had three in a row. My OB left this choice up to us and provided a referral. During our first meeting, the doctor said one miscarriage is too many and that was music to our ears!

The process started with a massive 14 vile blood draw from me (called a miscarriage panel, to determine if there was anything lacking in my system that could have caused the loss of the babies) and one blood draw for Cooter (to determine if anything chromosomal in his blood work clashed with mine). Results from bloodwork took 3-5 weeks to get back...so began the process of waiting. Over the next month, we had bloodwork and ultrasounds done every week as they monitored my cycle. They tested everything imaginable, trying to be more proactive before we needed to be reactive. Throughout the month, everything looked picture perfect. My follicles were active and healthy, my uterine lining (where the baby would attach) continued to have a good thickness each week. Still searching for problems...

It brought on quite confusing reactions for us. We leave the office each week relieved that I'm reproductively healthy, but without the closure and answers we so desperately needed. On one hand, we don't want anything to be wrong with me, but at the same time, if something is wrong, and it is fixable, we are that much closer to having a baby of our own. Lots of prayers every day for guidance, acceptance, and understanding of what was going on and what could possibly be.

The week I should have been ovulating the doctor did a saline ultrasound. They inject a saline dye into your uterus to be able to see the release of the egg, which starts ovulation. Its really kind of neat to see everything on the ultrasound...we are now unusually familiar with the inside of my body! At that time, the doctor said he thought I might have already ovulated, which would mean I was getting pregnant on an egg that wasn't fully developed yet. Bloodwork would tell the answers...so I went off to work and waited. My kids at school got so used to me coming an hour late once a week with a cotton ball and band-aid stuck to my arm. That day, bloodwork showed unusually low levels of HCG (pregnancy hormone...all women have a surge of the HCG hormone when they release an egg each month...the hormone levels increasingly raise when you conceive). This indicated that opposite of what the doctor thought...I had NOT ovulated yet. I went in every 2 days for the next week while we waited for my egg to release.

It appears that I ovulate about a week late. What does that mean?!? Basically, the egg is ripe and perfect for fertilization about 12-14 days into a cycle. I wasn't releasing that egg until about day 21, which means the egg is post-mature. It is still able to be fertilized, but chances are very good that it will never grow and develop like it should. Answers...like pieces of a puzzle all coming together. Within that same week, we received the results of the massive blood draw from weeks earlier. All of my counts looked perfect, as did Cooter's. I showed a slight mutation for my body's ability to absorb folic acid, but I was also told that is very common even amongst mothers that have healthy babies. The result...everything is treatable!!!

We also found out during all of the ultrasounds that I have at least 6 active follicles. Follicles release your eggs. Usually they alternate sides each month. I have at least 3 per side. Its a good thing though, fertility wise. It means I have lots of options, I am full of eggs! LOL. That also means that we are at a higher risk of having twins...

We were given three options:
1. Try again...let nature take its course. Yes, there is a chance we could go on to have a healthy baby. When almost all fertility tests point to post ovulation as my issue, the chances of my cycle suddenly changing on its own are very slim.
2. Clomid. Clomid is a drug designed to tell your body to release an egg on time. It is a very common fertility drug and I hear lots of success stories. The doctor gave us about an 8% chance of the clomid working the first time (plus factor in our high fertility rate). It costs about $800 a cycle (insurance does not cover the drugs). The only negative side effect is that some clomid users experience a thinning in the uterine wall due to the medication. That reduces the baby's chance of sticking. My doctor said he was hesitant to prescribe Clomid to us due to the previous miscarriages, but its still an option.
3. Injections, More specifically, an injectable called Follistim, combined with Ovidrel to release my egg on time. I would give myself injections over a period of time until we were told to try. The doctor gave us a 30-40% chance of it working the first time (plus our fertility rate). It costs double, about $1600 a cycle. No negative side effects.

We chose injections.

With any fertility drugs, our risk of multiples goes up. We were at risk of having twins anyway... Since the medication tells your body when to release an egg (so that I will release on time), there is a risk of too many eggs being released. We cannot control how many follicles are stimulated, so if multiple eggs are released, we could get pregnant with more than one baby. My doctor will not send us down the road to having our own TLC show or anything. Before giving us the OK to try, they do an ultrasound to see how many eggs are being released. That doesn't necessarily mean they will all be fertilized, but you have to plan that way just in case. We will take two, but aren't willing to risk more than that!

We went home and starting weighing our options and when we wanted to start. Cooter was ready immediately. This was the end of May. I was seeing light at the end of the school year tunnel. I was in charge of the field trip, field day was coming up, awards ceremonies, and the last day of school. I just couldn't afford to be off work every two days to be monitored while on medication. Not when I knew I'd have all summer off in a matter of weeks. Cooter got upset with me for choosing work over family. Here was my take on the situation. All of you teachers will understand what a stressful time the end of the year is. You are very busy getting report cards ready, keeping the kids active and busy when you have no more textbooks, are running out of supplies and copies, and are trying to pack up your room for the summer...plus my daily drive through Houston. I said why add that stress to an already delicate situation when we can wait a month and remove those risk factors? So we settled on starting injections in June.

One thing I wanted to do before I was pregnant, was float the river one more time. If you're from Texas, you know you can't beat a cold river on a sweltering hot day. I wanted to be able to have carefree fun without thinking ahead. Next summer, god willing, we will have a tiny infant and for years to come vacations will never be the same...fun and special in their own way, but definitely not the same. We'll either have kids in tow, or will be having to make plans for them to stay somewhere while we were gone. This was our last hoorah. And boy it was! I don't think I have ever had so much fun camping. We have become unbelievable close with our neighbors and we are so blessed to have such wonderful friends. Blogger has outsmarted me and the imac today, so I will have to post pics from the trip at another time. Sorry!

One thing life has taught us recently, or forced us to learn...is patience. Trying, pregnancy, fertility tests and treatments, all come with lots and lots of waiting for the right time. We were really hoping to start injections late June this month. It all depended on my cycle starting. Unfortunately, due to our busy July, we had a small window to have all of this work so we could still do treatments, go on vacation with Cooter's family and still send me to Chicago for Pampered Chef's national conference. As luck would have it, our window came and went. Stressing about it didn't help much either... Following a D&C, cycles can and will be off schedule for a while. Sure is frustrating though! So, although all of the medication was delivered last week and its quietly waiting in my fridge, we made the decision to wait until my next cycle to start injections now. There is just too much going on, too much planned and paid for to miss out on over the next two weeks. During the 2 weeks I am on injections, I am relatively home-bound. I need them daily, they must be kept cold and I will be doing follow-up bloodwork and ultrasounds every 2-3 days during the process, so traveling is really out of the question then. It makes me really sad to have to keep waiting, but its been 14 months since we first got pregnant, so at this point one more month won't break us.

A major decision we recently made was for me to resign from my job teaching. I am still in shock of the whole situation. When I was due in September, we had plans for me to stay home with the baby...especially considering that I could no longer wake up at 3:45am, drive 80 miles a day and take care of a baby simultaneously...nor would anyone hire me for a teaching job knowing I wouldn't be able to teach the first part of the school year. As of right now, if injections work on the first round, we wouldn't be due until May. I hate the idea of living on one income. Its already stressing me out, and I still receive paychecks through August. I like our comfortable living situation. The decision was made so I could focus on the health of myself and the pregnancy when we get down that road again. I'm high risk due to the miscarriages anyway, but if we were to add multiples to that, working wouldn't really be an option anyway. I am just going to do my Pampered Chef full time now. Which means I need to schedule some shows!!! Cooking shows allow me to work from home and I do a handful of shows a month. Its going to remove me from the stress of teaching a TAKS grade, sitting in traffic daily, and will allow me to focus on growing a baby (or babies). It is a new and scary road to me, but we can make it work...

sharp turns on the road of life...

I had so many wonderful things to post. I was waiting for a momentous reason to begin this post...a new picture of our baby. I wanted to show how much the baby had grown and pass along all of the wonderful stats associated with our pregnancy as we ended the first trimester.

I wanted to post my overwhelming joy at being chosen as Teacher of the Year for my school.

I wanted to send warm wishes to my mom, who received good news following her annual mammogram.

I wanted to congratulate my brother on passing all of his tests and making it through the past 6 months on his journey to become a police officer.

I wanted to share my excitement of becoming a Pampered Chef consultant...a business venture full of promise to help finance me becoming a stay-at-home mom in September.

We want a lot of out life.......and now........



My head spins. I can't figure out how to organize the tornado that blows through my mind...

Seventeen days ago, we went to the doctor for a routine prenatal check-up and ultrasound...the last one of the first trimester. We were scheduled to do genetic testing that day, upon our request because of spinal defects that run in Cooter's family. I was 11 weeks along and up to that point, had a picture-perfect pregnancy going on (if you can define anything in the first trimester as perfect...because you certainly don't FEEL that way!). Warning us that the ultrasound would take a little longer this time due to testing, I was alarmed when the tech suddenly wrapped it all up in just a few minutes time. During the ultrasound, I noticed her measuring the baby's length repeatedly and each time the screen indicated 9w0d. Shortly after, she left us alone in the room. I immediately looked at Cooter and told him something wasn't right. He went pale. Next thing I knew, they were ushering us into the doctor's office instead of going back to the exam room as we'd been previously told. I actually hadn't met this doctor yet. The nurse practitioner was present for the 8wk appointment and at 12wks (11wks for me) I would begin meeting with the OB. She opened the file and said that they couldn't locate the baby's heartbeat, and at this gestational time, we should have a heartbeat. I immediately wanted to argue with her. I said, "NO, we HAD a heartbeat at 7wks...the risk of losing the baby was so low now...what happened?" At that point I looked over at Cooter and watched his heart breaking. HIs head was down while he tried to regain composure. I realized then that I had to swallow my hysteria and maintain focus. I didn't want them to see me cry. I was able to get through the conversation enough to schedule a D&C two days later. In a five minute span of time, our lives completely fell apart and changed course...just like that.

I apologize for the disarray of my thoughts. Its hard to mentally outline what's left of the wreckage.

Monday, March 1 was our doctor's appointment. Nicole came over to hang out with us. It was a wonderful distraction and kept me from falling into that dark place of blame. I found myself more frustrated, confused, and angry (at who, I don't know). I didn't feel any different, I didn't look any different...nothing made sense to me.

Tuesday, March 2, Cooter and I both had pre-op appointments.

Wednesday, March 3, Cooter had knee surgery. Cooter's mom, Tricia came to keep me company while he was in surgery and stayed with us a few days. Everything went very well and he was back home by early afternoon. I had a huge Pampered Chef delivery that afternoon and busied myself in organizing all of the orders sitting in my dining room. I cooked dinner and dessert that night as well. Never having had any type of surgical procedure, it was best to keep my head full that day. I still wasn't ready to deal with what was to come tomorrow.

Thursday, March 4, I had my D&C. Mom came to take me to the hospital, and Cooter and Tricia joined her. Cooter got to come keep me company all through my pre-op, IV start, etc. and stayed with me until they wheeled me into the OR. My surgery went exactly to plan and I was home by that afternoon. Two prescriptions of Vicodin were filled at Walgreens in two days for us. Mom was joking that they would be watching us now.

The next week went on as if nothing had ever happened. Cooter was up and walking the day after surgery and was back at work Monday. However for me, going back to work was mentally and emotionally draining. I didn't realize how badly I still hurt inside until I had 2 hours a day to sit in the car all alone and let my head wander. Turns out, I am my own worst enemy. I have to think about it though, how can I not? That baby was part of my life for 3 months. I couldn't just pretend it never happened. Sitting at work, attempting to teach 17 kids was just not the time to deal. I have good days where I focus on the future. Good days where I know that our babies are angels up in heaven. They will never know pain and suffering in this world. Then, I have my bad days, where nothing seems to console me. I just need to be sad.

Today was a great day until I went to my post-op appointment. I've physically been great since surgery, so now on to the next step. I was given an information booklet and a doctor referral to the Houston Fertility Institute. I've had trouble dealing with that all day. Medically, recurrent miscarriages are usually defined as three in a row. Our doctor left it up to us to decide if we wanted to see a specialist. Emotionally, do we want to risk another miscarriage?...absolutely not! Now that the decision is upon me, I'm scared to death. We do not have an infertility problem. We can get pregnant, we just have to figure out how to stay that way. I'm so worried that more doctors and more tests will just add undue stress to an already tense situation. It was recommended that we not begin trying again until we meet with these new doctors. I just don't know why I am not wanting to grasp that...

Bottom line...there are not words to describe our appreciation for the support we've received from our friends and family. The cards, the food, the visits at the house...we couldn't have done it alone. We chose to tell the world about our expectant bundle of joy so early for that reason. No matter what the outcome, we chose to have the support of our loved ones. Please continue to pray for our strength and guidance as we journey down this new road of life. Allow us to be accepting of God's will, no matter what that may be...

blood results are EXCELLENT!

Happy Valentine's Day! Yesterday, 2/13 was a bittersweet day for us. That was our due date for baby #1. Being given the opportunity to be pregnant again made us count our blessings yet again. We realize God has a plan for us and everything happens for a reason. Although it is much easier to accept now than it was then.

I got a phone call Tuesday with the results of the first round of blood work done 2/1/2010. I was starting to get a little worried that I hadn't heard anything, but no news is also good news. That meant there wasn't something serious enough to contact me immediately. We went through almost 6 weeks of that with the last pregnancy. I lost count of how many viles of blood were piled up next to me that day, but its all worth it. I was cleared of any diseases (rubella, etc.) and do not have toxoplasmosis, which was a slight concern since I do have a cat. Cooter has sacrificed his hate for Grace and has been cleaning the litter box out for me. I cannot express how much I appreciate not having to me the baby in danger messing with kitty poop. Most importantly, my progesterone level (pregnancy hormone) was 31 which the nurse said was "EXCELLENT." That was music to my ears! I started doing a little research and chatting online with other preggo peeps, and the consensus was that anything over 20 is good. I'll take anything pregnancy related that is excellent!

We go back March 1. The baby has officially graduated from being an embryo and is now entering fetus-hood!

8 weeks and counting...

I have passed the 8 week mark, which means this baby has surpassed the last pregnancy! I am still so very cautious and nervous, but nothing has happened so far to cause me to think I'm not pregnant. I am starting the 9th week of my pregnancy now. I received my first email from What to Expect with information concerning the 9th week today and I got so excited I had to text Cooter and tell him. Each passing week just feels like a blessing from God, no matter how cruddy I feel all day. We have 2 weeks and 6 days until our next appointment. If I understood correctly, we'll be doing another ultrasound, and I will feel such relief to see a growing baby and increasing heartbeat. About 4.5 weeks left in the first trimester! Until I see my belly pop and start to feel this baby moving, I'm going to stay nervous. Keep the prayers coming and grow, baby grow!!!

I'm still unsure of my due date. Based on my last period, I am 8 weeks 1 day. Based on the doctor's given due date, I'm 8 weeks 3 days...so who knows!

Here's a cool ticker I found online. It compares the baby's growth each week to a piece of food. Just to put into perspective, last week it was as big as a blueberry and in a few days we'll graduate from raspberry to olive sized!

heartbeat...

We had our first prenatal appointment today. Its funny...ever since I got 4 positive tests in a row and scheduled my appointment, I've been counting down the days until the ultrasound. Suddenly today, I found myself more nervous than excited. Last summer we found out our little guy had become an angel at our first ultrasound, when they couldn't locate a heartbeat. Seeing that baby blob and the flicker of its little heart was such reassurance for us. The odds of miscarriage have been reduced drastically. All the way to work today (in between forced bites of toast to keep me from getting sick...ugh), I'd tear up at the thought of seeing that heartbeat (stupid hormones). Cooter saw it before me and when I looked up, I couldn't quit smiling. I've already looked at the pictures like 10 times since we've been home! Lol... We had such a wonderful experience at the doctor's office too...I'm very pleased with the new practice!

The stats...

The ultrasound tech measured the baby to be 6 weeks 5 days, which is about 2 days earlier than I estimated. Based on my dates, I calculated a September 21 due date, but the nurse gave me an estimated due date of September 19. The baby's heart was beating at a good 116 beats per minute, which is on target for its measurements.

We are beaming right now. There are not words to describe how thankful and blessed we feel to have been given such an amazing gift and to know we've made it this far. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we journey through the first trimester. My next appointment is March 1st. I'll be almost 11 weeks then.

Oh baby...

Thoughts and prayers are greatly needed...we're pregnant again!

We found out that we were pregnant again on January 14, which happens to be Melissa's birthday! We slipped the word to our families and neighbors right away. Despite the outcome of the last pregnancy, we couldn't wait to tell everyone we love. We are just so thankful and excited to be back to this point again.

Everything is going well so far. I am full of symptoms and sick from time to time, but nothing too bad. Most notably is my lack of energy. I am so tired all the time! We have our first appointment February 1. I'll be 7 weeks exactly the day of the appointment, but the doctor considers that beginning the 8th week of my pregnancy. I'm really hoping for an early ultrasound. The loss of our first baby was confirmed at our first prenatal ultrasound at 7wks, 6 days. Understandably I just want to get through these next few weeks and see a beating heart. So far, so good though.

I'll keep posting updates...now that I have something more interesting to blog about! Please keep us in your prayers as we make it though the first trimester.

Laila Maxwell

Wow...I was just looking back and realized I haven't posted a blog since June! Summer seemed to fly by...good things and bad. Our main computer has also seen better days and is no longer in the working world, so for the most part, my pics as of late are still stored on the camera. Makes emailing, posting, blogging pics much more difficult! Excuses, excuses, I know... Well quick update on life in the Maxwell house the past 3 months. Here's what Cooter has been working on in the garage.

Wall of fame...

Right before our anniversary in June, we found out we were expecting a baby right around Valentine's Day. We waited until almost 8 weeks and finally told Mom, Dad, Jeremy and Nicole on Father's Day. Dad unwrapped a pack of Aggie onesies. We had planned on telling Cooter's family the good news 4th of July weekend when the family went to LaGrange. Unfortunately, I ended up having a miscarriage around that time and we lost the baby. After weeks of blood tests and doctor's visits, it was determined that I had a chemical pregnancy. Long story short, the baby never really developed much past 6 weeks and I slowly miscarried the embryo. My body continued producing pregnancy hormones though and the placenta continued to grow, leading us to all believe I was still pregnant. I had a few complications around 6-7 weeks, but the nurse told me it was probably okay and didn't want to see me before 8 weeks. At the 8 week ultrasound, they didn't see anything but an empty sac. We had already lost the baby. Needless to say...I will be seeing a new doctor next time around... We've had time to heal and deal with it all. We didn't talk about it much, but it was incredibly how sad we could both feel over something we had only known about for a matter of weeks. The positive side of the story is that God blessed us with the ability to get pregnant. We're looking down the road now and are ready to try again. Keep us in your prayers!

Summer came to a close and I went back to work. I LOVE my school, but the 80 miles a day (most of which is on 290) is really wearing me down already and we're only in the 5th week of school. I wasn't able to get a job closer to home. I only applied in Cy-Fair, not surrounding districts. When we found out I was pregnant in early June, I decided to stay put at JCE. I have enough leave saved up this year to cover 9 weeks of maternity leave if needed. Things are finally settling into a routine at school. I have a small class with only 16 kids this year, which is wonderful. I just need to adjust to schedule! Can't seem to do it!

Here's a pic of Grace helping me pack my school stuff up at the house.

We went to our friend Justin's surprise 30th birthday party in Austin back in August. Justin and his wife Emily were both in our wedding.

Cooter with the birthday boy.
Cooter, me, Charli, Matthew, Justin and Emily

To complicate matters a bit...with the whole lack of sleep thing and being gone long hours...we got ourselves a puppy! We picked up Laila Maxwell about 2 weeks ago on Labor Day weekend. She was almost 9 weeks old when we got her. She's an AKC female Boxer. From the looks of her paws and how big she is already, she's going to be a good sized dog. We chose a boxer because several of our friends have them...they have such a sweet disposition for a big dog and are wonderful with kids. So, for now, she's our baby. Grayce isn't too thrilled, but is tolerating the new addition to the family. She actually likes the dog being here better than Hobie's visits (Jeremy and Nicole's cat). Here's a few pics of her over the past couple weeks...

Laila - 9 weeks

Laila - 10 weeks