Vulnerable

As a mother I find my sense of vulnerability to be extreme.  Its a very unsettling feeling, as I would do anything, literally anything, to protect my baby.

When Ty was about 3.5 months old, my mom and I were on a shopping trip to Baby's R Us to buy Jeremy and Nicole's baby shower gifts.  It was dusk, and we were just starting to lose the light of the day. She watched me as I climbed into the back of the suburban to get Ty out of the middle of the back seat.  I choose to keep him in the middle because that is the safest place for him.  Less convenient to get him in and out of the vehicle, yes, but worth it.  As she watched, I had my back to the world, concentrating on getting my son out of his carseat.  So vulnerable.  Not only was I completely distracted with getting him out of the car, but I also then strapped on the Baby Bjorn and got him settled right there in the parking lot. It honestly never crossed my mind how wide open I left myself.  My guard was down, my focus was all on Ty.  Of course this all happened in a matter of minutes, but that's all it takes, as my mom pointed out.  Very eye opening.

After that experience, I tried to be more aware of my surroundings.  I've always been careful of where I leave my belongings when I'm getting Ty in and out of the car.  Why advertise by leaving it out in the open?  I do realize that if someone wants something of yours, it can forcibly be taken quite easily.  Cooter has always wanted me to carry a pistol in my car, or some mace at the least, but I just don't know how I would ever have the time to use either if put in a dangerous situation while my hands are full with a baby.  I would NEVER feel safe handling a gun with my son in my arms.  Life or death, okay maybe I'd figure it out, but again, its not like I'd have the gun strapped to my hip.  I've since tried to change my actions.  I started climbing in the backseat and closing the door to get Ty in and out of the car.  Small change, and I know someone can still be watching me, but I felt like my risk was smaller than leaving the door wide open with my back to the world.

Shortly after my mom pointed out my constant vulnerability, I saw on the news that several women were robbed in Pearland while getting their children situated in their vehicle.  Its a given that a busy mom is a distracted mom.  It seriously sickens me to think of those that prey on mothers for that reason.  Absolutely makes me ill.  I hate that I live in fear because of others' demons.  My extreme sense of vulnerability is ever present in my head.  Especially in situations that cause me to be out in the open with little/no protection...walking through a parking lot, loading groceries into my car, pumping gas, etc.  All I can do is stay alert, protect myself, and pray that my son and I will be safe.

I am very sorry if I cause a sense of insecurity in any of my mommy friends.  I'd rather you be aware than become a victim.  I hate that any of us have to life with a sense of vulnerability at all.  It shouldn't be that way...

All of this is stirred up in my head thanks to the recent abduction of that 3 day old baby in The Woodlands.  I couldn't stop thinking about that horrendous ordeal, and my heart just aches for that father.  The world can be such an evil place sometimes.  You can't dwell on it, you'll go crazy.  Just makes you want to hug your babies a little tighter.  I just cannot fathom.  But I'd take a bullet for my son in a heartbeat.  Momma bears mean business.