one beautiful baby

Look how much our little baby has grown already! 6 weeks, 5 days old in the picture. It went from a little rice-looking thing last week to a gummi bear! That's what the nurse called it...she said, "what a beautiful little gummi bear!" Not that its even that big yet...last week it was the size of an orange seed, this week its about the size of a nail head...and by next week it will be a blueberry! For the record, there is only one baby! We would've been thrilled with twins, but the chances of complications are a lot less with a singleton pregnancy. Almost immediately, we saw the baby's heart beating. I almost forgot that we might be able to see the heartbeat this time...I was so excited to see that the baby had grown! This is the second time I've seen one of our baby's hearts beating...and wow, it just brings tears to your eyes every time. What a miracle! This baby was just made almost 7 weeks ago, and it already has a beating heart. The heart rate was 119 beats per minute. They even recorded the heartbeat on a video for us...although I can't get the mac to play it...but I will persevere and beat the computer! According to What to Expect (the baby bible), in the 6th week, the heart should be beating around 80bpm and growing faster every day. So I am thrilled with 119. That's actually already faster than the other baby's heart rate was at 7 weeks, 1 day with the last pregnancy. I just love our fertility nurses...she just sat there and let us awe in the moment as we watched the baby's heart beating. I barely got to see it at the OB's office last time. They are so busy there, you are in and out of ultrasounds. I am holding on to each moment we get to see the baby, and thankful to have been given such amazing resources.

The baby is still measuring right on time. We are now going by the baby's measurements to date the pregnancy since the little guy's growth has been consistent a couple weeks in a row. So that makes me 7 weeks tomorrow, still due June 18. With each passing week, I find myself getting more excited about the pregnancy. i feel so vulnerable, especially after the way we lost the last baby. We get to see the baby twice next week...my fertility doctor still wants to see me once a week and I will have my first prenatal appointment with my OB, which means bloodwork and another ultrasound! I'll take it!

one or two?!?

One or two?!? We still don't know yet! What we do know is that we can see one baby nice and clear so far! Going into the ultrasound, my nurse warned us that being early, we wouldn't see much. She said what they were looking for was the number of gestational or amniotic sacs (the large black circles). If we were lucky we'd be able to see a yolk sac (which will later be incorporated into the baby's digestive tract) and possibly the baby. We were able to see one gestational sac right away and the nurse said, "hi baby!" She zoomed in on it and we were able to see a yolk sac and the baby. In the ultrasound pic, the baby resembles the bright white piece of rice and if you see the white circular area around the baby, that's the yolk sac. So far, so good! Everything we MIGHT see, we saw! The baby has implanted right in the center of my uterus, which is a good thing as well. The baby measured 5 weeks, 5 days...which matches up exactly with the first day we tried. The computer calculates my pregnancy based on when my hormone shot was given, which made me 5 weeks , 3 days. The nurse said this early, as long as the pregnancy and the baby's measurements are within a couple of days, they are happy. My estimated due date is June 18!

One baby or two? While the nurse was scanning my uterus for gestational sacs, she noticed a suspicious spot just about the other baby. Its too hard to see in the ultrasound pic (that pic is zoomed in to see more detail), but on the screen there was another black circular area. it wasn't clear like the baby we could see, but it was defined enough for the nurse to draw attention to. Why would we be able to see one baby and not another? The baby doesn't implant in the uterus until about 2 weeks after conception. If the babies implanted on different days, it could have made a difference in the ultrasound. We know I had two eggs released during ovulation. There are multiple possibilities at this point. Both eggs could have released on different days, even though I took only one hormone shot. Also, we were told to try on two separate days, so its possible that the eggs were fertilized on different days, causing them to implant differently. Either way, we will hopefully know how many when we go back on Thursday this week. I haven't had any more bloodwork done since my early levels were on the high side. We might be able to see a heartbeat at this week's appointment too! I have an appointment with my ob/gyn November 4, at which time I'll be almost 8 weeks and we'll have another ultrasound done then...yay! After losing the last two babies, I LOVE being able to keep tabs on this baby (or babies).

We also found out that my ovaries are very swollen right now. The injections I took last month stimulated my ovaries so we could control ovulation. I ended up releasing an egg from each ovary. My high levels of estrogen have not allowed my ovaries to return to their normal size. Right now, they are bigger than my uterus. I had been feeling a lot of lower abdominal pressure (uncomfortable, but not painful). It wasn't cramping or anything that caused me worry. In fact, I thought it was gas pains. Turns out, as my bladder fills up (quite frequently these days), it puts pressure on my ovaries, which is why I am feeling so uncomfortable. My ovaries, bladder and growing uterus are all sharing the same space right now. The nurse didn't act like it was anything for concern, but she did take measurements of one ovary. It was about 58mm (when I ovulated, each was 18-20mm to put that into perspective). Unfortunately, it will take a while for the swelling to go down. Rising levels are so important to my pregnancy, but cause adverse effects on other parts of my body. So for now, I deal with the swelling belly!

Cooter is so proud and excited. We went to a wedding this past weekend and he told anyone and everyone he talked to that I was pregnant. He told most people it was twins too! He secretly wants twins...we lost two, he thinks that would be amazing to get two babies back. We'll see very soon... I'm still so very cautious, but I want to be excited. I have been exhausted lately and for the past 5 days or so I've been feeling so nauseated. I have no appetite, so its hard to want to eat. If I don't eat, I feel sick. When I do eat, I still feel sick for a couple hours. The progesterone I take and what my body makes on top of that causes my food to digest slowly, which leaves me with the full sick feeling in my gut. I end up with about 3-4 hours in the late afternoon/evening that I feel great. It makes me feel very fortunate to not be getting up for work at 3:45am right now. I'm about 6 weeks, 3 days or 6 weeks, 1 day depending which calculation we use. I can't wait for Thursday!

going up...

Well, its been a week of worries, wows and wazoos! Ok, I don't know what a wazoo is, but it sounded fun. Nothing big to worry about...its just always a part of me. It always will be until I have a baby in my arms! Despite the worries, lots of wows to share. So last report I found out that my levels had been climbing nicely so far. I went back last Wednesday for my usual blood draw and war wound, wait for a phone call with results. That day at lunch, I almost choked on my chicken...my levels went from 280 on Monday to 784 on Wednesday! WOW! If you remember, hormone levels should double every 30-48 hours in the first several weeks of pregnancy. Mine were just shy of tripling in 48 hours! Super pumped! So, my appointment Friday was bypassed, seeing as I had already almost reached Friday's expected count and an ultrasound is tentatively scheduled for next Friday. I returned Monday for the same thing. My counts as of Monday were 3,443! I know that seems high, but if you double my numbers every 48 hours, that is right on target. I am on the higher side of the spectrum, but it is a very wide spectrum. My ultrasound is moved up to tomorrow (Thursday). So anxious! I am not nervous as I've been with all previous prenatal ultrasounds. We found out during the first ultrasound that we lost the first baby last July, then the second ultrasound showed we lost the second baby back in March. If anything, I know that the baby is doing well so far based on my hormone levels. I actually like having so many appointments. It really gives me peace of mind knowing every couple of days that the baby is okay. We will hopefully find out tomorrow if there is one baby or two. I'm excited to find that out. I'm still a bit worried that its very early for an ultrasound, but I have to remind myself that my doctors and nurses have gotten me this far, and I need to trust them. I have no idea how to calculate my pregnancy either. Most estimated due dates are calculated based on your last period. If I consider that, then I am only 5 weeks today. My injections caused me to ovulate a week early so if we go from that point in time, I am closer to 6 weeks. Measuring the baby during an early ultrasound can also give me and estimated due date. So much to find out! I counted ahead...if we can make it past Thanksgiving, then I will have past the point that we lost the last baby. Thanksgiving doesn't seem so far away when I think of it that way. Praying every chance we get that this baby is growing and thriving. Updates from the ultrasound soon...

thinking POSITIVE

So we graced the doctor's office with our presence at 8am this past Friday morning for the much awaited pregnancy blood test. The first thing the nurse asked me was if I had taken a home pregnancy test yet. I told her I was too scared. I was also worried it was too early, seeing as I would not be due to start another cycle for a week or so. Blood drawn, we left the office, another cotton ball and band-aid accessorizing my outfit. We would receive a phone call with results as soon as possible. Oh how slow time can move!

Cooter began pacing WAY too much for my anxiety level when we got home, so he went off to work to pretend to be busy and hopefully pass the time. He told me before he went to work that if I wasn't pregnant, he was going to be really mad at his swimmers. I had to laugh a little. Most men don't hold anger against their sperm. In my attempt to stay busy I folded 3 loads of laundry, changed sheets on my bed, washed and cut up a week's worth of fruit, boiled and peeled 15 eggs (I was making deviled eggs for a meeting that night), and managed to catch up on Grey's Anatomy from the night before. Its amazing how productive you can be when you have time to kill! In the midst of my cleaning and cooking spree, I decided to go pee on the one stick left in the medicine cabinet. At this point, I had been awake for almost 4 hours and had already downed several bottles of water. I coached myself to not feel disappointment if it was negative. It wasn't the perfect circumstance to be taking a test, and I reminded myself that it was still quite early. We were already mentally preparing ourselves to deal with that anyway. The test at first glance looked negative, but in the light I noticed a faint cross line. That just brought on more confusion than anything. Suddenly it felt like they would never call with my results. I argued with myself...if there is even the faintest of a line, that means your body is still producing enough hcg to cause the test to react, right? Then I was convinced I was seeing things. I wanted to see it so badly that I was beginning to imagine tiny blue lines. So I did the next best thing...I took a picture with my phone and sent it to Cooter for further examination. His immediate response was that it looked positive to me. I still didn't want false hope. At that point I was actually frustrated that I even took the test in the first place. The aftermath of it all makes me laugh now.

Finally at 10:45 (I was pretty sure those 2 hours and 45 minutes were close to being an eternity), the nurse called. The first words out of her mouth were, "YOU'RE PREGNANT!" My blood test was positive!!! I have no idea how far along I am. Calculating an estimated due date the old fashioned way versus my dates with the meds gives me a week or so difference. For now, I return every 2-3 days for blood work to make sure my levels are rising properly.

I went back today and when my nurse called with results, she was very happy. She said everything looks great so far. I will not have any ultrasounds for a couple of weeks because its just too early to see anything yet. My hcg levels should be doubling every 30-48 hours. On Friday, it was 46...today it was 280!!! That puts me somewhere around 4-5 weeks preggo. I go back Wednesday and probably Friday for the same blood work.

To all of my prayer warriors...keep those prayers coming! You all have supported us this far, now we just need this baby to grow, grow, grow! I don't think my nerves will ever be completely calmed. I still haven't let it completely sink in that I'm pregnant. My brain is protecting my heart. I think its understandable though. One day at a time, one prayer at a time...and lord willing, this baby will be in our arms sometime around June!