bittersweet

This time tomorrow, Ellie Renee will have entered this world!  So hard to believe that in just a few hours we'll have two kids, and once again our lives will forever change with that sweet little cry.  I cannot wait to kiss her cheek and see her face!

Sorry for not blogging last week, but as again with this week, there hasn't been any news to deliver!  I was 38w5d at my appointment this week, and I still hadn't made any progress towards labor.  I didn't with Ty either.  Part of it gives me a little piece of mind, knowing how much easier things will be if we make it to the scheduled date.  We're all packed and ready to go though!  Cooter was so sure she would come by now too...lol.  Tuesday was my last official OB appointment.  The past two weeks my blood pressure has been slightly elevated for me, but still not considered high.  Probably has something to do with my swelling.  Despite swelling, I haven't been gaining weight.  Last week, I actually lost 2lbs from the week before and this week I didn't gain at all.  So assuming I haven't gained in the past few days, I have a net weight gain of 22lbs this pregnancy (I gained 27 with Ty).  We haven't had an ultrasound since 30wks, at which time the doctor said Ellie was measuring a little small, but nothing to worry about.  I've been surprised that they haven't checked on her at all since then.  In fact, the past 3 weeks, they haven't even measured my belly.  Its so weird how relaxed they are this time around.  Last week the doctor commented how she wasn't sure about Ellie's presentation (position) anymore.  I swore she had partially laid back out in a more transverse state based on the pain I was having in my hips.  She's definitely back to breech today though, the doctor confirmed it too.  As the nurse was listening to her heartbeat the other morning she giggled at the odd shaped mound that my belly has become.  Little miss is out of room!  I'm still swelling a little in my feet.  I don't hardly notice it because its been present for weeks now.  My hands are another story...I feel like my skin in on too tight.  Sometimes I can't even make a fist.  When I wake up or we've been in the car a while the blood pools in the my hands and they get really tight.  I almost dropped a stack of bowls emptying the dishwasher the other day.  I've been dealing with carpal tunnel symptoms for quite a while now, and my left hand has pretty much gone completely numb.  My first three fingers are numb 24/7, which drives me crazy, especially being left-handed, but the more numb my hand gets, the less I feel the pain.  Ready to be done with this part!

Despite the ups and downs of this pregnancy, I've officially become sentimental and already kind of feel like I'm mourning the pregnancy being over.  I say that now...you should've asked me last night when I had mad indigestion and couldn't lay on either side without it hurting my hips...then I would've given anything to be done!  I remember my mom warning me when I was pregnant with Ty, that I would feel sad not having him in my belly anymore.  When someone tells you that at 38+ weeks pregnant, you think they are crazy.  But its true.  I already know I'm going to miss feeling her kicks, her hiccups, and her every little squirm.  I've kept myself so busy today with last minute laundry and cleaning, that I think I'm still in denial about what's happening tomorrow!  I broke down and cried as Ty fell asleep for his nap today.  I already knew this, but it hit me that this was the last nap that he would take on my lap for quite a while.  Who knows how long I'll be too sore to let him lay there with me.  Oh, that makes me so sad.  I keep reminding myself that this is just a short period of time and we'll all adjust before we know it.  I'm sad to be giving up time with my baby boy, but at the same time I cannot wait to hold this baby girl in my arms tomorrow!  Bittersweet.

I know I will sit in my bed in L&D tomorrow morning waiting for my surgery, and savoring all this belly in front of me.  When I am allowed to sit up again, not only will I be numb, but my belly will by mushy and seem unusually still.  I know I will feel like I can't hold her tight enough.  I still feel like that with Ty.  I remember staying up in the middle of the night just to hold him and look at him while the rest of the world slept.  And then I was SO tired when we got home and I swore I'd never do that again.  But I can't wait to steal that time away from the world and memorize her face, listen to her breathe, and be completely in awe once again that we made something so beautiful.  This is our last baby.  That makes me even more sad.  We will be moving next year and starting the next chapter in our lives.  We have our boy and our girl.  Life just feels complete, but there's always part of me that will miss being pregnant, miss having babies around.  We'll just get a new puppy when I get baby fever again.  LOL.

I am beyond excited to hold a teeny baby in my arms again.  I can't promise a prompt blog update for the first few weeks after her arrival, but I promise I will be back again soon.  I'll post a final belly shot in the morning on facebook, and sometime tomorrow afternoon I'll get a pic of her posted too!  SO crazy...we're having a baby tomorrow!